


I will not leave you

by Bellacia



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Hugs, Hurt Matthew Casey, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Protective Kelly Severide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:21:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29270193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bellacia/pseuds/Bellacia
Summary: Matt can't get over the shock of the last call and it's up to Kelly to reassure him and let him know he won't be alone anymore.
Relationships: Matthew Casey & Kelly Severide, Matthew Casey/Kelly Severide
Comments: 12
Kudos: 33





	I will not leave you

**Author's Note:**

> Can we talk about the fact that the screenwriters seem to forget about Matt's suffering and his friendship with Severide on many occasions?

Matt was still sitting on the bed in the guest room. Severide still wasn't back from Molly's and, honestly, Matt hoped it would stay that way. He still hadn't been able to process what happened near the end of the outing. The image of the guy pointing the revolver at him and the brief shock he went through when the gun didn't go off still wasn't leaving his head. It seemed like he was replaying the same scene from a movie just to try to understand that part, without succeeding later. That gun must have been used earlier, but it looked like it had chosen not to go off when it was in front of him.

Boden had told him it simply wasn't his time, but Matt refused to believe it could be that simple. The man was ready to end his life and Matt could barely process it, unable to understand what he had left to do in the world. Already on another call, Severide had chastised him for "acting like he wanted to die" and now he was in that state, endlessly wondering why the gun hadn't gone off, why life kept giving him chances.

The images were not only replaying the scene of the assault, but also of ones that obviously had not happened, but which led him to wonder what would have happened after he was shot.

Would his buddies have torn the guy to pieces? Would they have tried to revive him even though he had a bullet in his face? How would his colleagues at the station have reacted when they learned that their Captain had died from the bullet of a madman? What would Kelly have done next?

Kelly..., he thought, closing his eyes and shaking his head sharply. The one who always stood by him through everything. The one who always cared unconditionally about him and who always had his back. The one Matt had put ahead of Gabby countless times. The one he loved more than the woman herself. When Severide moved in with him and Matt told Gabby he would be on her side no matter what, even though there were not a few times they blamed each other for Andy's death. Although they clashed in several ways, that didn't stop them from being best friends outside of work. All Matt could think about now was Severide.

Would his lieutenant have cried for him? Severide had already cried a lot for his loved ones. Andy, Shay, Anna, Benny... Matt didn't want to be responsible for more tears invading those beautiful blue eyes or for that playful, carefree expression most of the time being overshadowed by anger and sadness. Matt wanted him to be happy. He wanted to keep having those little breaks with him to smoke and talk about everything and anything like always. He wanted to let him know that no matter the fights, he would always be on his side.

He didn't notice that he was lying on the floor with one hand on his chest trying to relieve the pressure he felt nor did he notice the tears on his cheeks. The moment he tried to breathe, a dreadful pain shot through him and an almost unbearable ringing invaded his ears.

"Casey? I'm home," he managed to hear.

No, no, no, no, he must be at Molly's, he thought despairingly, trying to get to his feet only to fall flat on his face against the floor again .

"Matt!" Kelly shouted.

Casey barely had time to realize that Kelly had dropped to his knees beside him and had scooped him up in his arms to sit him on the floor. He took one of his hands and pressed it to his chest, half exaggerating a normal breathing cycle. Interestingly, feeling this helped Matt regulate his breathing by sensing the way Kelly was doing it. Then, as he was trying to exhale, he felt Kelly let go of his hand and gently pushed on his chest, helping him let the air out.

"That's it, Matt. You're doing great," he heard again. "Keep it up. I promise it will pass".

Matt tried to tell him yes, he knew it would, because he trusted him and knew he'd never leave him. But instead, he seemed to choke again as soon as he opened his mouth.

"It's okay, it's okay," the older man reassured him. "Don't strain right now. Breathe slowly first".

For several minutes, Severide took over Casey's seizure, helping him breathe steadily and calmly, letting him know he wasn't alone and repeating that everything would be all right.

When his seizure finally passed, Matt slowly opened his eyes but did not look directly at Severide. Instead, he looked straight ahead.

"Are you all right?" asked Kelly softly.

"Yes, thank you. I didn't know you handled panic attacks".

"Shay taught me, in case I ever needed it. I really appreciate it".

Matt nodded slightly and tried to stand up. But the moment he leaned on his arms, they shook violently and he fell back on top of his partner.

"Matt!" alarmed Kelly.

Kelly held him again just in case. Just as he was about to tell him again that everything would be okay, the words died on his lips when he saw his friend cry again, but this time it seemed to be more emotional than anything else.

"Hey... What's wrong?"

Suddenly, Casey settled in as best he could to wrap his arms around Kelly's neck.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, utterly broken.

"What? Matt, what are you saying?"

"I'm sorry. I don't want you to suffer again. I don't want to make you suffer."

"Matt, the only thing I don't get is suffering. Why are you saying that?"

"Kelly... I could have died in the last call," he confessed then.

Severide was speechless. Mechanically, his arms went around Casey and one of his hands began to stroke his hair slowly.

"Tell me," he asked tenderly, still not letting go.

"When we went...the police told us it looked like a suicide. There was no one else in the house, so they would just remove the body and we could leave. But when everyone came out, I heard noises in the kitchen. I looked out and a second later...he had jumped on me with the gun in his hand," he said, still trembling in the lieutenant's arms. "I tried to talk some sense into him, but he was so out of it..."

"And then?" Kelly muttered, dreading the answer.

"He pulled the trigger and the bullet didn't come out," he managed to say before sobbing violently. "It didn't go off, Kelly! That's the only reason I'm still here!"

Severide pulled him tighter against him as he tried to keep his own emotions in check, which was not proving easy.

"Shhh. Matt, breathe. You're going to faint if you go on like this".

"Kelly... I don't want them to suffer for me if something happens to me".

"How can we not? We're family, and if anything happens to anyone, we're always there," he reminded him, pulling away from him to look at him.

"We've already lost many, in different ways, but we have.... I don't want to be on that list," he murmured again against Severide's shoulder. "What would you have done if you found out that guy had...? You know".

"I would have gone looking for him to smash his face in," the older man replied automatically.

Casey found enough strength to laugh slowly. Still holding him, Severide helped him back to bed. Matt looked exhausted, so sleep soon overtook him completely, even more so when he felt the warmth of the blankets wrap around him.

Kelly ran a hand through his hair and sighed softly, berating himself as to how he hadn't noticed what his partner had been going through. He had always been observant and despite that, he didn't realize what Matt was going through.

He carefully got up to go to his own room and leave the younger boy alone. As soon as he stood up, however, Casey reached out and grasped his wrist.

"Don't go," he whispered in a pleading tone. "I don't want to be alone".

That was enough to soften Kelly's heart. He pulled off his boots and leather coat and pulled up the blankets to lie down next to Matt. Still half asleep, the younger boy shifted to lean against Severide's chest, just wanting to feel for a moment what real security was like.

"It's okay, I'm not going anywhere," he assured quietly. Matt came to hold him tighter, and Kelly told himself that he could be afraid of nightmares. "I'm here, Matt," he continued, now kissing his forehead. "I promise, I won't let anyone hurt you again".

For the rest of the night, Severide didn't let go of Casey and he didn't wake up for several hours, though obviously that wasn't going to last forever. Around five in the morning, Casey started having the same nightmare. He would see this guy with crazy eyes pointing the revolver at him and no one would say anything until a few seconds later. Even in his mind, Matt could feel the guy's weight on his body and even hear his harsh words. The moment he pulled the trigger, the bullet did come out and that's what caused Matt to jerk awake as he let out a short scream. He looked desperately around the room, but saw only darkness.

"Sev? Sev!" he howled.

He felt a weight shift beside him and a moment later, strong arms wrapped around him.

"It's okay, it's okay," he whispered reassuringly. "It's okay, I'm here".

Matt clung to him like his lifeline. He wanted to feel what it was like to feel safe. His parents had never made him feel that way, in fact they had taken it upon themselves to destroy both their sons' self-esteem and self-worth. They always made it clear that they would never amount to anything in life and that they would end up living in one of those homes for people who had precisely nothing.

Although they only wanted to make them just as miserable as they were, both Matt and his sister had always supported each other and perhaps that was what kept them from losing their minds. When Christie left for college, Matt felt he had lost his only friend and his only emotional breadwinner. Of course, he was happy that she was finally able to escape, and not wanting to worry her or make her hesitate about leaving so she wouldn't leave him, he convinced her that everything would be okay.

Once he arrived at 51, Casey found it almost strange to meet such kind and selfless people. Everyone was kind and although he got a few rookie jokes, he never took it personally. When he got promoted, he thought things would change and everyone would distance themselves from him out of respect or not wanting to get in trouble with a higher ranking person, but that wasn't the case. Everyone continued to treat him as one of the family. Nothing changed between them for the worse.

He took a deep breath against Severide's shoulder and slowly pulled away. The silver-haired man turned on a not-so-bright light and looked at the youngest, who kept his gaze down.

"Im sorry, I woke you up".

-You're sorry?" Kelly said, dismayed. "Matt, I can safely say you just had a nightmare. Don't apologize for that".

"I should have done something. I should have been able to prevent it," he scolded, frowning.

"They put a gun to your head. If you tried anything, you probably wouldn't have counted it," Severide pointed out.

"Boden said the gun didn't go off because it's not my time," he spat, annoyed. "How the hell does that make sense? What's left for me to do here?"

"Matt, you have a lot of life ahead of you and there are a lot of people who love you. We need you," Kelly insisted. Suddenly, he looked desperate. "I need you".

Casey looked at his partner and didn't quite know how to take that last part. He was aware that on many occasions since Shay's death, Kelly seemed to depend on him more than anyone else. He was always the one he went to if he had problems or even seemed to get jealous when other people got too friendly with him. In fact, at the risk of being called crazy, Casey was sure there were times when he got jealous of Gabby.

Now, however, it sounded different. It didn't sound like he was telling his from the dependency side.

"What can I do for you right now? You told me earlier that I should stop acting like like i wanted to die and now I keep questioning why I didn't die back there".

Kelly looked at him with little tears in the corners of his eyes. Matt felt guilty again.

"I'm sorry, I just..." he muttered, his voice trembling, turning his head away, "it's too much".

Before he could realize it, Severide had his arms around him again.

"I don't want to lose you, Matt. You're too important to everyone. You're too precious to me. After all, you're the one who holds us together on and off the station".

"Kelly, no matter what happens or what anyone says, I'll always be on your side," he finally said, leaning against the older man. "Don't doubt that".

They lay back down and Kelly turned out the light. He hugged Matt for the remainder of the morning and then they drove to work together. Before they got out of his car, Kelly reminded him that if he needed to talk at any time, to come to him, no matter if he had a lot of paperwork or if he was with someone else.

Casey thanked him and they both got out, finally ready for another day of thrills and pure adrenaline

**Author's Note:**

> The characters do not belong to me. If they did, I would make the Sevasey real


End file.
